July 14, 2023
It’s official! Starting today, I have a part-time job. Next week, I’ll have an income for the first time in two months. Extra awesome that it’s my favorite type of income– under the table.
That’s right, you’re looking at the new Social Media Manager for the Lower East Side’s gayest sports bar, “for men who appreciate every ball.” The bartenders wear slutty cropped referee uniforms over high wasted leather pants and stilettos. Not to mention, the requirement of growing and regularly combing a mustache.
During happy hour, pink turf is rolled out like a runway for customers to joust with foam fingers. The prize is a brand-new foam finger with a dirty limerick printed on.
The job interview was a game of tennis,
“Do you do videos?”
“Yes.”
“You can edit?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know social media?”
“Yes.”
“Can you make posts?”
“Yes.”
“You start Friday.”
Deuce!
Sometime before noon, I woke up and fantasized Central Park as an office. So that’s where I went.
Trying not to get an ass-full of the local Lantern Fly graveyard smudged on every sittin’ rock in town, I laid down the plastic deli bag that came free with my egg and cheese and began the first of many games of phone-tag with my new boss.
She messages me raw footage; I split and rearrange and text it back. Music too loud. Take back and edit. Send. Lower volume. Change song. Speed up. Edit. Send. More vibrance in the beginning. Slow down last clip. Edit. What does that mean? Send. I don’t like that word. What if you said this? Perfect. Love it. Post in five.
Six videos a week shouldn’t be too bad.
It never occurred to me how much time and effort goes into brainstorming and editing an eleven second video. Editing is one of the few skills I have under my belt. I’ve been using professional software for years and tutored others on the programs. There is not a shred of sarcasm when I say TikTok is a whole new ballgame and I may as well be coming up to bat lefty. The clip has to be captivating; it has to be fresh; it has to be timed well, crafted with a sharp and cunning eye. Credit where credit is due to those who proudly title their profession “influencer,” because generating those seconds of footage and matching the perfect audio to reach millions of people takes a lot of thought. Not to mention, writing and brainstorming for a new limerick every single day. How many different ways are there to pun loving a wide variety of balls?