July 25, 2023
Never Been Kissed
When I come home from filming at the bar on a Tuesday evening, and my stopwatch (yes) reads past three o’clock in the morning, it is typical that I am alone waiting for the F at Broadway-Lafayette. Very recently did the city of New York legalize marijuana so I like to see how far I can push this ‘alone time’ by lighting up. It gets me higher than the weed.
Anyway, I was smoking my morning glory when I heard a ruckus growing louder at the nearest staircase. Thinking on my feet, I jabbed the burning end of the joint onto the wall until it was cold and flat. My guard switched back off when descending down the staircase was not an angry policeman who worked nights as an angry burglar with an agenda of pushing a twenty-one-year-old in the train tracks, but a couple seemingly eager after what I predicted to be a sixth or seventh date. They were young and giddy looking. A little too giddy looking for a Tuesday night. I wouldn’t trust them.
They looked into each other’s eyes the whole time; they wouldn’t know I was standing there if the F train hit me. After three twirls too many and a loving gaze, they kissed romantically. Is that still a thing? It suddenly occurred to me that I don’t think I’ve ever been kissed before.
Alright allow me to clarify– I’ve never been kissed just to be kissed. Not without an unwanted tongue breaking through to say hello; a gateway to further intentions from the other party, which is quite a shame. Even my first kiss showed no innocence, and I was given negative feedback. Could you imagine your first kiss telling you to “YouTube for tips”? Call me Josie Geller because it’s true, I’ve never been kissed.
Are people still interested in sweeping lovers off their feet, or has our ever-progressing comfortably putting sex on the table ruined it?
But I can’t have time to fantasize about things like that, I’m on a deadline here!
Frantically, I began sifting through tonight’s footage and brainstorming ideas to post for this week. The bartenders had an idea of piecing together a montage of their fishnets and asking people to comment and match the ‘nets to the face; winner receives two prize pitchers for a party of four or more.
Finally on the train, I was in and out of service and in and out of patience. Exhausted, I still had five videos to make and send in by six in the morning. What do I write? How should I market? Do I have the proper audience? I’m running out of ideas. Am I no longer creative? Oh no, oh no I lost it already. What if– no… but possibly– no she’ll hate that too… and it became something I chose to put all of my energy into. I had been treating this job as a temporary job, which it is, but I was hired and I love the bar and I can make their social media great.
The rushes to be a hard worker came at the weirdest times.
Some hours of the day I couldn’t care less if I was fired; I was super lazy about a job that wouldn’t feel difficult if I could bring myself to try. “Lack of motivation” is what I would say in the mirror and smile and shrug but I’m just lazy as tape. I still feel a little burnt out from graduation but that’s a lame excuse too because this was another example of something I could love, ruined because of my own flaws. What kind of mindset is that? Am I going nuts?